Experience sharing

Reflections on “True Self-worth: Affirmation without Ego”

On December 27, 2025 at the Dharma Drum Vancouver Centre, David Listen gave a talk via Zoom entitled "True Self-worth: Affirmation without Ego". Eastern storms had scuttled his flight, necessitating a remote format in lieu of the live presentation.

David spoke of the common insecurity that most of us experience in varying degrees day-to-day -- confidence. Even this very talk would give rise to him wondering if he would be successful or popular enough to provide himself with affirmation. Would he be able to read our facial expressions correctly through the cameras to know the worth of his talk? Might we politely be feigning engagement while wishing we were somewhere else? In so many ways we have all been there, doubting our abilities in a project or the discomfort of whether a simple conversational message is being understood.

The need for feedback is fairly normal. A lack of feedback is liable to result in uncertainty and waning confidence. Even when receiving feedback, sincere or not, there remains within us doubts about the perceived veracity or credibility. Were you just being nice? Were you being harsh because my efforts were genuinely unsuccessful, or are you having a bad day? When these doubts and speculations become an ongoing habit, it can cripple an individual who may become reluctant to engage in anything new, fearing some degree of disappointment in themselves.

Realistically, we would do well to appreciate the limitations inherent in all discourse. Language, a stand-in for reality, will be wielded and understood in only imperfect ways. This is something that we might easily forget, as we endeavour to communicate in "perfect" ways or execute decisions and actions idealistically. I suppose in some sense there is a reason why we are concerned with failings and disappointments. Success doesn't seem to require any further thought whereas shortcomings linger as the thing that needs work. Still, if shortcomings become the predominant overview of our actions and abilities, then we might have created an unnecessary problem.

Less common are those in the opposite situation, who maintain an overblown and grandiose confidence in all things. In such frames of perception, acknowledging the mistakes which will inevitably occur, and learning from them, becomes less likely. The confidence they express may advance their position among others in the short term, but if the benefits of humility are not utilized their progress will eventually be stifled.

As David's talk progressed, he more explicitly connected with Buddhist thought and practice. The habit of judging the elements of our world and our interactions with it on the dualistic basis of good and bad is not consistent with aspirations to equanimity and non-attachment.

I found myself inwardly nodding in agreement as he spoke, suggesting that I already knew all of this. Maybe so, but in recognition of the stubborn nature of habits that I possess, I felt it was a good talk that would bring those habits to renewed awareness. It very much needed to be said, and David said it very well.  Thank you.
 
Written by Mark Simmons 2026.01.05
Photo: Dharma Drum Vancouver Centre

For news coverage of this online lecture, please click here.