Beginning Anew: Reflections on a Dharma Drum Meditation Retreat

I've always romanticized my first meditation retreat since I was a teen, being in the woods away from society and finding my peace one breath at a time as a temporary monastic. This dreamlike expectation was, however, contrasted with many frustrations during the first two days of the retreat.

The reality was that I struggled to sit still with unhelpful thoughts constantly intruding upon my mind, while I saw the other retreatants with perfect postures and subtle smiles on their faces. I could hardly complain though, as I recognized that the causes and conditions were set by my own actions. This past year I've been slacking on my spiritual pursuit, not walking the talk. On top of the recently recovered flu combined with excessive technology usage, it was obvious that my state of being was exactly that mess in hindsight.

I wholeheartedly believe there is a global attention epidemic spanning people of all generations. Many people are unaware that they are attentionally ill. Even if they are aware of their own illness, they do not know how to heal themselves from it. Worse still, even if they know how to heal themselves, they do not have the behavioral discipline to do so, myself included. That's why I signed up for this retreat. Mindfulness practice as taught by the Dharma is the cure. The theme of this retreat is beginning anew, and I thought it was the perfect chance for me to jump back into the healing ocean of mindfulness as a disciplined way to start the new year fresh.

As the Chinese proverb goes, good medicine tastes bitter. Re-entering of the ocean will be uncomfortable, and it might even lead to adverse reactions from your body, but I knew sticking to the practice will lead me to where I need to go. One of the things that helped me to get there was Teacher David's down to earth yet insightful Dharma talks. During one of them, David quotes the Platform Sutra. The English translation is roughly: "If one is not awakened, then a Buddha is a sentient being. In the moment of a single thought of awakening, a sentient being is a Buddha." This was powerful especially to me with my clouded mental state at the time. It points to the impermanence of all phenomena, even enlightenment. It is all about being fully present at the current moment, thus enlightenment can be lost and found from moment to moment. Enlightenment is impermanent, and indulgence is also transient.

Understanding these words helped me detach from my frustrations with my foggy mind and self-criticisms of my dwindling practice in the last year. I recognize there is always the chance of redemption, and it's right in front of you in the next moment. Moreover, David points out that Buddha nature is always inside all of us. We always have the capacity to waken. We always have the capacity to heal ourselves from the attention epidemic. Carrying forward with this more optimistic and joyful attitude, the remaining days of the retreat was a delight. I found myself fully immersed in mindfulness during eating, cleaning, walking, and sitting.

I think people are like radio towers, emitting energetic waves that mirror the frequencies they receive. I came into the retreat operating at a low frequency, sluggish and indulgent. The Teacher David, and many retreatants, however, were broadcasting at much higher frequency, full of presence, warmth, and empathy. This energy was perceivable and contagious. Bathing in their collective field and being in the tranquil Chan Hall made extended meditation sessions feel at ease and even effortless.
The challenge, though, is to extend this momentum into my daily life and into the new year. I find myself genuinely looking forward to this challenge, to walk the talk, and to bring higher frequency energy into the next retreat, whenever that may be.
 
Written by William Wang 2026.01.13
Photo: Dharma Drum Vancouver Centre