From the Suffering of Separation from One's Likes to the Path of Awakening

There is never an unending banquet, while every encounter means a reunion after a long time of being apart. Nagarjuna once said, "You may have experienced sorrow and joy, separation and reunion, but that is nothing to do with engaging in Buddhist practice, if you are simply living through it. If you realize impermanence, dependent arising (pratītyasamutpāda), as well as the law of cause and effect in the midst of it, then that can be considered as Buddhist practice."

The impermanence in the process of meeting and parting not only allows us to see our attachment to relationships, but also brings us opportunities for transformation and growth.

For the people, events, and things we meet in the journey of our lives, be it a temporary encounter or a lifelong companion, there's a time for them to come to an end, no matter how reluctant we are to part with them. The key to our spiritual cultivation lies in experiencing and realizing that sorrow and joy, separation and reunion, are just temporary phenomena, through which we learn to accept things as they are, thus transforming and developing ourselves.

Along the path of life, there is a time for coming together and there is a time for separation, as if life is a journey woven from moments of meeting and parting. During the journey, some people stay with us for a short time, while others never meet us again. What do you see and realize in the different forms of parting?

Accept separation and transform ourselves in the process

Resigning from his teaching position and waving goodbye to his mother and hometown, Ven. Yan Shi (演誓法師) left Russia to become a monk at Dharma Drum Mountain in Taiwan. After his ordination, he agonized over failing to take care of his mother, who was thousands of miles away. Over time, as he kept looking inward, he gradually realized that all those emotional feelings, self-blaming, and anger simply reflected his afflicted mind. After adjusting his mentality, he tried once again to express his loving care and blessings to his mother over the phone, allowing them both to calm themselves and realistically live in the present moment.

Get prepared for the next reunion

The most profound suffering in life has to be separation between loved ones in life or at death. As the Sutra of the Buddha's Discourse on the Relief of Sorrows (佛說解憂經) states, "Also, for sentient beings, when parting from their loved ones in life or at death, the amount of tears they shed is as much as the ocean." This passage illustrates that the amount of tears shed due to separation from our loved ones in our past lives is as much as the sea. From the moment we were born, we are actually ceaselessly moving towards death. Despite the knowledge that our bodies will eventually undergo aging, illness, and even perishing, most of us may still experience fear and reluctance to face death, especially during the moment of separation from our loved ones.

Chiu Chih-ling (邱智鈴) is supervisor of the Department of Nursing at National Cheng Kung University Hospital in Taiwan. While caring for patients with terminal cancer and in hospice care, she has accompanied countless patients and their families to face death squarely. Still, when her family member fell seriously ill, she was overwhelmed with grief. However, her dying mother-in-law instead told her, "What arrives will eventually be gone. In every birth, there is death. It's just that now I am leaving you, with contentment and happiness." These words reminded her to cherish every encounter we have by establishing good karmic affinity with others through sincere loving care. This way, we are making the most of our encounters in this life.

"The process of joining and parting is an opportunity that gives us the strength to grow and mature. Since separation also involves arising, perishing, and changing, it is simply a temporary phenomenon." As Master Sheng Yen noted in his book True Happiness (真正的快樂), the key to the suffering of separation is our wish to have what we like and attach to stay with us forever. This is the real cause that turns our affection and love into a form of suffering. Thus, the key lies in whether we can change our mindset and perspectives.

Therefore, Master Sheng Yen often encouraged people by saying, "The infinitely wonderful scene of sunset does not imply it is near dusk, but indicates an outlook that is beautiful and brilliant, with the sun rising again in the east." The suffering of being parted from what we love is a worldly phenomenon. Furthermore, to engage in Buddhist practice is to learn to transcend worldly phenomena by realizing that the rising and perishing of everything only reflects the phenomenal, whereas ultimately there is a true reality that neither arises nor perishes, without actually coming and going. So, we should not feel troubled by partings, but should instead better prepare ourselves for every reunion in the infinite future.

See through superficial appearances to find the meaning of life

Meditation master Thích Nhất Hạnh was once in a state of grief and sorrow due to the loss of his mother. One day, as he looked down at his own hands, he realized that his existence was in fact a continuation of his mother and ancestors. Also, he reminded himself of the value and meaning of life with the "Five Remembrances":
 
Cherish every encounter and bid a good farewell

Ven. Huimin (惠敏法師) once shared that he followed a personal practice of "saying goodbye" before going to sleep: "At night, changing into a pajama can be likened to putting on a burial cloth; lying on the bed resembles lying in a coffin; and putting on a quilt is like putting the lid on a coffin. This is the moment for us to practice bidding farewell to everything we own, such as fame, money, academic degrees, social status, and intellectual knowledge. Being able to wake up the next day is another day earned, so we would therefore cherish it and give the best we can.

In other words, if we number every day as our last day, we will treasure every second and attentively live out the meaning of life. Since causes and conditions are constantly changing, nothing in the world is permanently existing and dependable, and separation is not the end. Whether we can reunite with our loved ones or not, we should always cherish the moment of meeting and extend our gratitude and blessings when parting.



Related articles:

From the Suffering of Separation from One's Likes to the Path of Awakening

Applying "Four Steps for Handling a Problem": There is Pain But No Suffering

Buddhist Legends: Removing the Thorn of Sorrow and Eradicating the Suffering of Separation from What One Likes

A Buddhist Legend about Paṭācārā: Walking toward True Liberation with Mindfulness

Interview with Ven. Yan Shi: Suffering Nourishes Life

Interview with Chiu Chih-ling: Real Love Is about Letting Go and Giving Blessings



Resource: Issue 476 of Humanity Magazine (April 2023), Dharma Drum Publishing Corporation
Translation: Li Siang-ling
Editing: Keith Brown, Chang Chia-cheng (張家誠)
Photo credit: Liao Shun-de (廖順得)