Buddhist Legends: Removing the Thorn of Sorrow and Eradicating the Suffering of Separation from What One Likes

Editor's Note:
Most people often believe that when love arises, it brings joy and happiness. So why did the Buddha say that all sorrow, sadness, vexation, and distress follow love? It is because of our attachment to those we love, and our unwillingness to accept changes in what used to please us. This is what is known as the "suffering of separation from what one likes." The Buddha told us that only by contemplating according to the Dharma and using the Dharma to remove the thorns of sorrow can we eradicate the suffering of separation from what we love.


When the Buddha was residing in the city of Shravasti, one day, an elder with disheveled hair and a distracted expression approached Jetavana Vihāra, the Buddha's residence. The elder muttered to himself, asking everyone he met, "Has anyone seen my son? Has anyone seen him?"

As he aimlessly wandered about, the Buddha appeared before him.

"Elder, why are you in such a state? Why is your hair disheveled, and why do you look so distressed? What has happened?"

"Śramaṇa Gautama, I had an only son whom I loved more than my own life. He suddenly lost his life and left me behind. I can't eat nor sleep; all I want to do is weep by his grave. I feel like I am going to lose my mind completely. I can't go on living."

The Deeper the Love, the Deeper the Pain

"I see, elder. You are distraught because you loved him so deeply. When love arises, sorrow, sadness, vexation, and distress follow."

Hearing the Buddha's words, the elder became puzzled and asked the Buddha, "Why do you say so? When love arises, shouldn't our heart be filled with joy? Why do all sorrow, sadness, vexation, and distress come along with it?"

The elder, who had lost his beloved son, could neither understand nor accept the Buddha's teaching, so he angrily departed. He wandered into the marketplace and saw a group of people gambling. Thinking that gamblers are often the shrewdest, he decided to ask them for their opinion. He then repeated what the Buddha said to them, and the gamblers, like the elder, believed the Buddha was wrong. Feeling validated, the elder nodded in agreement and walked away. This conversation eventually spread throughout the marketplace and finally reached the ears of King Pasenadi of the Kosala Kingdom.

While chatting with Queen Mallikā, King Pasenadi mentioned the matter. "I heard that the World-Honored One thinks that when love arises, sorrow, sadness, vexation, and distress follow. What do you think?"

"I believe the World-Honored One is correct. If Your Majesty doesn't believe it, you can ask him yourself or send someone to inquire."

King Pasenadi sent a trusted practitioner, Nāḷijaṅgha, to ask the Buddha for his insight.

After greeting the Buddha, Nāḷijaṅgha relayed King Pasenadi's words, "Oh World-Honored One! Have you ever said, 'When love arises, sorrow, sadness, vexation, and distress follow'?"

"Nāḷijaṅgha, let me ask you a question first. Suppose a person goes mad after his mother's passing and searches everywhere for her, asking everyone, 'Have you seen my mother? Have you?' Nāḷijaṅgha, why do you think this person behaves this way? Isn't it because he loved his mother so deeply that sorrow, sadness, vexation, and distress arose? When people are separated from their parents, siblings, or children in life or at death, they will experience sorrow, sadness, vexation, and distress. These feelings are born and follow wherever love goes."

The Buddha then related a story to Nāḷijaṅgha.

Once, there was a family who married their daughter to another family. However, soon after, the daughter's husband's family fell into poverty. Her parents brought her back home, intending to marry her to someone else. The daughter refused to remarry and returned to her husband's home. She told her husband, "I don't want to leave you. What can you do about it?" The husband, who also didn't want to be separated from his wife, took her into their room and said, "In the next life, let's be husband and wife again!" After saying this, he killed his wife with a sharp knife and then took his own life.

"Nāḷijaṅgha, from this story we can see that when love arises, sorrow, sadness, vexation, and distress follow."

Nāḷijaṅgha pondered the Buddha's words, and found them both understandable and acceptable. He stood up, paid homage to the Buddha, and returned to the palace to report back to King Pasenadi and Queen Mallikā: "The Buddha indeed said, 'When love arises, sorrow, sadness, vexation, and distress follow.' It is true."

The Four Great Fears and the healing power of the Dharma

The sorrow experienced by the elder, who lost his beloved son and the pain felt by lovers who do not want to separate from each other, are the kinds of sufferings described in the Noble Truth of Suffering as "the suffering of separation from what one likes." As stated in the Abhidharma Mahāvibhāṣā Śāstra (大毘婆沙論), "When one is separated from loved ones or pleasurable situations, various forms of suffering arise; hence, it is called "the suffering of separation from what one likes." In other words, when the people, things or situations we love leave us, or when the circumstances in which we find pleasure suddenly change, the suffering that arises is known as "the suffering of separation from what we love." While this concept is not difficult to understand, how should one face and overcome such suffering when experiencing it personally?

As stated in the Chapter on Four Kinds of Abandonment of Thought (四意斷品) of the Ekottara Agama, King Pasenadi's beloved mother, passed away at nearly 100 years old. Although King Pasenadi had already understood the Buddha's teaching on "the suffering of separation from what one likes, he still found the pain of losing his mother unbearable." He came to the Buddha and said, "World-Honored One, is there any way to redeem my mother's life? I am willing to give all my elephants, horses, vehicles, fortune, treasures, cities, and people to bring my mother back to life."

"Your Majesty! Do not grieve. All lives will ultimately face death. The human body is like snow in the hand, which will eventually melt; like a clay vessel, which will eventually break; and like an illusory wild horse, which is not real. Therefore, from the moment a person is born, four great fears accompany them; the first is aging, which will ruin youth; the second is illness, which will ruin health; the third is death, which will ruin life itself; and the fourth is impermanence, which will ruin all that seems eternal."

"Your Majesty, these four great fears are like four enormous mountains crushing all beings. No living being can resist them. The only thing that can counter them is the Dharma. Even you, Your Majesty, will one day be drawn into the ocean of life and death. If you can use the Dharma as an antidote to these four great fears, you will be reborn in a good place, in the heavens when your body decayed and your live came to an end."
 
"World-Honored One, may I ask what this Dharma is called?"

"Your Majesty, this Dharma is called 'Removing the Thorn of Sorrow.'"

"That's right, World-Honored One, when I heard the name of this Dharma, the thorn of my sorrow was already removed."

 
Reference:

The Discourse on Born From the Beloved of the Madhyama Āgama

The Chapter on Four Kinds of Abandonment of Thought of the Ekottara Agama



Related articles:

From the Suffering of Separation from One's Likes to the Path of Awakening

Applying "Four Steps for Handling a Problem": There is Pain But No Suffering

Buddhist Legends: Removing the Thorn of Sorrow and Eradicating the Suffering of Separation from What One Likes

A Buddhist Legend about Paṭācārā: Walking toward True Liberation with Mindfulness

Interview with Ven. Yan Shi: Suffering Nourishes Life

Interview with Chiu Chih-ling: Real Love Is about Letting Go and Giving Blessings



Resource: Issue 476 of Humanity Magazine (April 2023), Dharma Drum Publishing Corporation
Original Chinese text: Hsu Hui-chuan (徐慧娟)
Translation: Anne (麗萍), Li Siang-ling
Editing: Keith Brown, Anne (麗萍)