[Measures] Practice Forgiveness - Ven. Guo Dong on Practicing Forgiveness

Original Chinese text by editorial team of Humanity Magazine

Practice 1: Relax to Create Space in the Mind for Reconciliation
 
If we don't know how to relax, it is not easy to create space in our minds for reconciliation, either for ourselves or for others. That's why Master Sheng Yen often shared the "Five-Minute Sitting Practice" on various occasions. 

I. First, adjust your whole body posture to feel comfortable. Relax your eyeballs, head, and facial muscles with a gentle smile. 

II. Take three deep breaths while raising your shoulders. Then, resume normal breathing and relax your abdomen. 

III. Feel the relaxing and effortless sensation throughout your whole body. Then, experience the breath coming in and out of your nostrils. Recognize that breathing is the wealth of the present moment and your complete self at present.

Thoughts are the essence of emotions. The practice of relaxation allows us to experience how emotions function. As we relax, our concentration improves, gradually increasing our awareness of emotions. The clearer and calmer the mind is, the better we can comprehensively observe our own strengths and weaknesses, thereby gaining the confidence to affirm ourselves. 

When we start practicing relaxation, we learn to accept ourselves as we are and recognize our strengths and weaknesses, creating an opportunity for self-growth. Only then can we reconcile with our own mind and with our family.

(Excerpted from Family Hurts Me the Most in the book Forgive and Let Go, to Form and Live in Favorable Conditions)


Practice 2: Empathize with the Need for Emotional Support in Everyone

Any deaths stemming from violence are regrettable. From a societal perspective, it is unfair to place all the blame on the "perpetrator" alone. We should examine how our society drives individuals to resort to violence and take the precious lives of others. 

Master Sheng Yen once said that there are no purely evil villains in the world, only a small number of people doing bad things under specific circumstances. If everyone can promote the spirit of loving-kindness in every aspect of society by expressing care and support to others, everyone can realize their potential to be a good person, and loving-kindness can be seen everywhere. 

Empathy can be shown in: 

I. Avoiding doing to others what we do not want done to ourselves.
II. Spreading the peace and happiness we would like to have to others.
III. Believing that those who make mistakes can turn over a new leaf and, thus, wishing them a future full of hope.

Therefore, with empathy, perhaps there is nothing to forgive, only sentient beings in need of loving care.

(Excerpted from Minimize the Harm in the book Forgive and Let Go, to Form and Live in Favorable Conditions)


Practice 3: Change in Perspective to Avoid the Suffering of the Second Arrow

After an unexpected calamity, a person may become physically and mentally traumatized, dwelling in negative emotions such as resentment, anger, and vengeance. Though understandable, this is a harrowing situation. As one analogy in Buddhist scripture explains it: if a person is shot by a poisoned arrow, the first and foremost action is to remove the arrow and treat the wound. If , instead of recognizing the urgency of saving their own life, this person insists on probing into the background of the shooter, the origin of the arrow, and even the material of the arrow prior to treating the wound, this is like shooting a second arrow into their mind. When encountering adversity and setbacks in our lives, the rise of anger and hatred resembles this second arrow. 

However, suppressing or venting our emotions cannot solve the problem. Prolonged suppression of emotions may even lead to uncontrolled violence. Only by adjusting our perspectives, channeling our emotions, cherishing what we have at the moment, and not living in the shadow of the past, can we begin anew. Concrete measures include: 

I. Through persistent practice of Chan meditation, we can gradually settle and calm our chaotic and complicated emotions. 
II. By participating in or volunteering at Dharma assemblies and group practices, we can broaden our minds while reengaging with people.

(Excerpted from Don't Give Yourself a Secondary Car Accident in the Mind in the book Forgive and Let Go, to Form and Live in Favorable Conditions)


Practice 4: Apply the Four Practices for Helping Ourselves and Others to Cultivate Gentleness in Our Actions, Speech, and Thoughts

The best approach to dealing with criticism is to be grateful, feel thankful, reform ourselves, and inspire others through virtuous acts. 
I. Be grateful and thankful for the opportunity to reflect on ourselves.
II. Reform ourselves by handling matters with wisdom and treating people with compassion.
III. When our physical, verbal, and mental actions become gentle, rivalry and conflicts between ourselves and others will be resolved imperceptibly. We can thereby inspire others and turn enemies into friends.

I have a reflection on teamwork: "It is best to understand phenomena, be patient with any situations, and keep communicating to cultivate ourselves." In addition to understanding things intellectually, we must further comprehend them holistically, emotionally, and correctly. If there are misunderstandings, it is best to resolve them with sympathetic understanding so that the people involved can clear up their doubts and thereby solve the problems smoothly. Our interpersonal relationships will improve as long as we maintain a positive attitude. 

(Excerpted from The Capacity to Accept Criticism in the book Forgive and Let Go, to Form and Live in Favorable Conditions)


Practice 5: Keep a Peaceful Mind to Bless Others with Kindness

"The stronger one's love is, the deeper their resentment grows." Love might be followed by resentment if there is a lack of cultivation of a peaceful mind.

Only with peace of mind can we become aware of the arising of our thoughts, and this requires practice. When we notice our mood starting to swing, it is a great opportunity to look after ourselves and learn to practice wisdom and compassion. At the same time, we should stand in others' shoes with respect to understand their standpoint and communicate well.

I. When in trouble, we can first observe our mind and be aware of shifts in our mood. We can also adjust our breathing and qi by taking deep breaths or reciting the names of Buddhas or Bodhisattvas. 

II. When our qi settles, our body and mind will be in a stable and calm state, allowing us to be more clearly aware of our thoughts. We can then peacefully express our thoughts and opinions. This is the way to "keep the mind in peace" and stay calm and gentle in conflict."

III. "May you be happy and safe." When we strive together to realize this idea, there will be fewer conflicts and fights, and more compassion, humility, sympathetic understanding, and tolerance. 

IV. It is fine to have afflictions sometimes, as long as we do our best to return our mind to mindfulness and clarity within the shortest time possible. This helps us avoid harmful actions to ourselves and others, and instead, bless others with kindness. 

(Excerpted from Keep the Mind in Peace to Facilitate Communication in the book Forgive and Let Go, to Form and Live in Favorable Conditions)


(The article title has been added and the body edited by the editorial team of Humanity Magazine.)


 


Resource: Issue 379 of Humanity Magazine (March 2015), Dharma Drum Publishing Corporation
Translation: Li Siang-ling
Editing: Keith Brown, Ven. Yan Siang (演香法師)
Illustrator: Su Li-ka (蘇力卡)