[Introduction] The Deeper Meaning of Love Stories in Buddhist Scriptures

Are you troubled by love?
Take a look at the love stories in Buddhist scriptures.
Through them, we can learn how to approach love with wisdom,
so we don't end up creating our own suffering in relationships.
 
■ Editorial Office      

 Who do you actually love?

"Do you love me?" "Who do you love—me or that other person?" Questions like these often surface in romantic relationships, whether directed at our partner or asked within ourselves. But sometimes, no matter what answer or reassurance is given, a sense of doubt still lingers in the heart. What are we really asking? What is it that we are trying to confirm or prove?

In the Buddhist scriptures, there is a similar story. King Prasenajit of the Kingdom of Kosala shared a deep and loving bond with Queen Mallika. When they first met, the king was immediately captivated by her. Despite the rigid caste system of the time, he married her—even though she had been a Brahmin maid. Because of her exceptional virtue and wisdom, she was eventually made queen. Later, under Queen Mallika's influence, King Prasenajit took refuge in the Three Jewels and became a devoted disciple of the Buddha, as well as a great protector of the Sangha.

One day, as the two were resting in a high tower, King Prasenajit asked the queen, "Mallika, who do you love the most? Is there anyone more lovable than yourself?" Queen Mallika replied, "Your Majesty, no one is more deserving of love than I am. I love myself the most. And you, my lord, is there anyone more lovable than yourself?" King Prasenajit answered, "There is no one more worthy of love than myself, either."

Later, when King Prasenajit visited the Buddha, he recounted this conversation to him. After listening, the Buddha responded with a verse: "Though one may think of all beings with affection, none are deemed more worthy of love than oneself. Others, too, cherish themselves above all. Therefore, since all beings love themselves, one should not harm others." This verse means that we all see ourselves as the most lovable, and our love for ourselves surpasses the love we extend to others. Likewise, others also love themselves most. Since everyone cherishes themselves above all, we should refrain from harming others.

But what is the best way to love oneself? And how can one love oneself without harming others? In the Piya Sutta of the Third Saṁyutta in the Saṁyutta Nikāya, King Prasenajit asked the Buddha: "One day, while I was alone, I reflected: Who considers themselves the most lovable? And who does not cherish themselves?" He continued: "In my view, those who commit unwholesome actions through body, speech, and mind do not truly love themselves—even if they claim to. On the other hand, those who act virtuously through body, speech, and mind are the ones who truly love themselves—even if they are unaware of it. Why do I say this? Because those who truly love themselves treat those whom they love in the same way they treat themselves. And those who do not truly love themselves treat those whom they dislike in the same way they treat themselves."

After hearing this, the Buddha agreed and said: "Indeed, indeed! If one regards oneself as lovable, then one should avoid all evil. For those who commit evil will find it difficult to attain happiness and peace. When we are seized by the demons of death and must leave this world, what can we take with us? Only the merits and misdeeds we have accumulated throughout our lives. Therefore, we must engage in wholesome deeds and cultivate merit for the future. When these merits carry into future lives and benefit others, they become a source of happiness and peace for all sentient beings."

Unwholesome Karma Can Be Transformed into Wholesome Karma
 
People often think of Buddhist practitioners as those who renounce the secular world—cutting ties with family and refraining from romantic love. However, for a Bodhisattva who practices across countless lifetimes, it is not only essential to cultivate detachment and freedom from craving, but also to form compassionate connections with sentient beings. Only through such relationships can a Bodhisattva help others move toward liberation from suffering. During the Buddha's own bodhisattva path, he experienced multiple marital relationships over different lifetimes. Among these, the one he shared with Yasodhara was the deepest, formed over many lifetimes of karmic connection. In the Sutra of Cause and Effect in the Past and Present, the Buddha once recounted a past life as the hermit Shan Hui, during which he formed a karmic bond with a palace maid—all because of a five-stemmed lotus flower.

During the time of Dīpaṃkara Buddha, after attaining supreme enlightenment, the Buddha was preparing to return to his homeland to teach and guide the people. News of the former prince's return filled the entire country with joy. The king ordered the purchase of all the fresh flowers in the land—eager to be the first to make an offering to the Buddha.

When Shan Hui heard that Dīpaṃkara Buddha was about to enter the city, he hurried down from the mountain to buy flowers for an offering. To his dismay, all the flowers had already been bought by the king. At a loss, Shan Hui saw a palace maid who had secretly brought out seven blue lotuses. Overjoyed, he offered to spend all his money to buy them. Moved by Shan Hui's sincerity and enchanted by his extraordinary bearing, the palace maid fell in love with him. She then offered a condition: "You must marry me in every lifetime and take me with you on your path of cultivation until you attain Buddhahood." To make the offering, Shan Hui agreed, but he added his own condition: "I am devoted to the practice of generosity and never refuse those who ask for help. If anyone asks for my brain, my bones, my eyes, or even my wife, you must not stop me from giving." That palace maid who made this promise was in fact the past life of Yasodhara.

The Buddha promised to take Yasodhara with him on his path of cultivation in every lifetime—and he never broke that promise. In this lifetime, Prince Siddhartha and Yasodhara were reunited in marriage. But shortly after the birth of their son, Rahula, the prince left his family to become a monk. Yasodhara endured a period of loneliness and sorrow due to their separation. Yet after recovering from her grief, she renewed her vow and left behind her comfortable life to engage in six years of spiritual practice. As Master Sheng Yen noted in Sacred Queen Yasodhara from Stories of Buddhist Saints: "While the prince practiced in the mountains for six years, Yasodhara also practiced in the palace for six years. This pure and dedicated practice was exactly what she meant when she said she would "shave her head" and "practice diligently" together with the prince."

As their son Rahula gradually grew up, the Buddha sent Maudgalyayana to Kapilavastu to persuade Yasodhara to allow Rahula to enter monastic life. Filled with sorrow and anger, Yasodhara naturally refused. According to the Sutra of the Causes and Conditions That Have Never Been Spoken Of, the Buddha then used his divine powers to manifest an apparition in the sky to awaken her: "In the era of Dīpaṃkara Buddha, there was once a palace maid who vowed to the hermit Shan Hui that in every lifetime, she would offer all that she had—even her own life—according to his wishes, without regret. Why now do you cling to Rahula so deeply that you cannot let him leave home and walk the saintly path?" In that moment, Yasodhara suddenly recalled the vow she had made in her past life. Her attachment to her son dissolved, and, with repentant heart, she entrusted Rahula to Maudgalyayana herself.

Later, when the Buddha returned to Kapilavastu, he inspired hundreds of young men to join the monastic path. His aunt, Mahaprajapati Gautami, also led a large group of Sakya women to ordain, and among them was Yasodhara. Having relinquished worldly love and desire, Yasodhara wholeheartedly dedicated herself to practice, regarding the Buddha as her teacher. In time, she attained sainthood. According to the Lotus Sutra, the Buddha personally gave Yasodhara a prediction: "In countless future lifetimes, you will cultivate the Bodhisattva path under the guidance of innumerable Buddhas, becoming a great Dharma teacher who spreads the Buddha's teachings. You will gradually perfect the path to Buddhahood and eventually become a Buddha in a virtuous land. Your Buddha name will be the Tathāgata of Perfect Ten Thousand Radiant Marks."

Letting Go of Attachment by Means of Attachment
 
Of the Buddha's ten great disciples, Ananda was known not only as the one "foremost in hearing the Buddha's teachings," but also for his dignified appearance and gentle compassion, which earned him many friends. In the Surangama Sutra, the story of Matanga's affection for him is well-known. The Samyukta Agama records another episode in which Ananda faced temptation.

At that time, there was a bhikkhuni who fell in love with Ananda at first sight. She sent someone to deliver a message: "I am extremely ill. Could you please ask Ananda to come visit me?" Upon hearing this, Ananda immediately went to see her.

Unexpectedly, the moment Ananda entered her dwelling, he saw her lying on the bed, dressed immodestly. He immediately turned away to avoid looking. Witnessing Ananda's strict observance of precepts, the bhikkhuni immediately recognized her transgression. She quickly dressed properly and repented before him.

"Sister," Ananda said with gentle discipline, "this body is sustained by food, pride, affection, and desire. Therefore, we must let go of attachment to food by means of food, let go of attachment to pride by means of pride, and let go of attachment to love by means of love.

How does one let go of attachment to food by means of food? When taking in food, one must clearly understand that eating is not for the enjoyment of flavor, nor for nourishing the body's appearance, skin, or beauty, but simply to relieve hunger and thirst and to sustain the body for the purpose of practice. In this way, one gradually reduces attachment to food, allowing the mind to remain at peace. This is what it means to let go of attachment to food by means of food.

Similarly, we all possess a sense of pride, along with confidence, self-admiration, and even arrogance. Therefore, when we hear that someone has made progress in their practice or attained liberation, we should reflect in this way: "If that person can do it, why can't I?" In doing so, we develop the aspiration to emulate virtuous people and cultivate a diligent spirit that urges us forward without laziness. One day, we too will be able to make progress and attain liberation. This is what it means to let go of attachment to pride by means of pride. By transforming pride into a motivating force, we use it to free ourselves from the very afflictions that pride can cause.

Moreover, we all carry a longing for some beautiful state of being. So, when we hear that someone has advanced in their practice, cut off afflictions, and attained a state of ease in both body and mind, we should ask ourselves: What could be more worthy of our longing than such a state? As long as we set our hearts on the path of practice, we too will eventually arrive at such a beautiful state. This is what it means to let go of attachment to desire by means of desire. By harnessing the desire for virtuous practice, we can gradually sever the desire for lust, and ultimately cut off all forms of craving, thereby breaking the cycle of birth and death.”

Upon hearing Ananda's words, the bhikkhuni immediately opened her Dharma eye and attained the first fruit of the path. She bowed sincerely once more, repenting of her earlier misconduct. Ananda joyfully acknowledged her attainment.

The attachments and desires for food, love, and the self are innate in all sentient beings.

However, if we are controlled by these cravings and indulge in pursuing them, they will inevitably bring pain and trouble. Ananda's teachings offer us another perspective on desire: that it can be transformed into a force that helps us progress on the path of practice. Even if we are temporarily entangled in love, as long as our minds align with the Dharma, we can all move toward liberation.


Related articles: 
 



Resource: Issue 431 of Humanity Magazine, Dharma Drum Publishing Corporation
Photo: 李蓉生
Translation: 可馨
Editing: Keith Brown, 演香法師