Receiving Karmic Results, Fulfilling Vows, and Vowing Anew

As his health gradually declined, Xie Shui-Yong (謝水庸) accepted the changes calmly, without distress. Through one illness and treatment after another, he put Chan methods into practice. Even while calmly receiving karmic retribution, he did not forget to make vows, thus continuing to bring light to both his own life and the lives of others.

■ Venerable Yan Wen (釋演穩)

Walking outdoors beneath the blazing summer sun is enough to leave anyone hot and irritable. At three in the afternoon, Xie Shui-Yong arrived right on time, after walking more than ten minutes from the MRT station under the fierce sun. He was neither flushed nor out of breath, and his steps remained calm and steady as he greeted us with his signature smile. Once seated, Xie Shui-Yong took out pages of medical notes in neat handwriting. Serious and meticulous, always prepared, he faces illness and aging with the same composure.

Acceptance Brings Peace of Mind

In 1982, while still in the prime of life, Xie Shui-Yong attended his first seven-day Chan retreat at the Chung-Hwa Institute of Buddhist Culture in Beitou. He came away deeply impressed by Chan practice and the Dharma, which inspired him to not only start applying them in daily life, but also to establish a Buddhist study society at the telecommunications bureau where he worked. Eventually, at the height of his career, he chose early retirement and devoted himself to the development of Dharma Drum Mountain and the work of spreading the Dharma.

For more than thirty years, Xie Shui-Yong held key positions in several Dharma Drum Mountain foundations, organizing events and continuing to teach. He had always been in good health until five or six years ago, when he suddenly began experiencing numbness in his legs. He consulted both traditional Chinese and Western doctors and underwent all kinds of examinations, but no cause could be found. He practiced living with the discomfort and carried on for more than a year, but when a bitter taste started to appear in his mouth, Xie Shui-Yong sensed that something was not quite right. His daughter, who worked at Far Eastern Memorial Hospital, arranged a CT scan for him. Only then did they discover a 2.7-centimeter malignant tumor in his kidney.

“I felt no fear or worry. When karmic consequences come, I simply accept them. This is what Master Sheng Yen taught us through his own example. Whatever needs to be done, I simply do it.” Surgery was arranged soon after the diagnosis, and Xie Shui-Yong faced it with his usual calm. “If I’m not afraid, my family can also be at ease.” The surgery was quite successful, although he developed several problems during his recovery, including acid reflux and insomnia.

“I had never experienced acid reflux before. At the time, I simply had no appetite and couldn’t eat no matter how hard I tried. After the operation, my body had been in the same position for a long time. No matter how I turned, I couldn’t get comfortable, and I couldn’t sleep well either...” Having rarely been ill before, Xie Shui-Yong was only then beginning to understand what it meant when the body no longer did as one wished. Lying in his hospital bed, he kept turning from side to side, trying to find a comfortable position. Yet before long, every position began to ache. Day after day, his back and waist hurt and sleep would not come, but this experience made him realize deeply that “The very nature of life is impermanence!” Xie Shui-Yong laughed. “If I could lie down in just one position and never move at all, wouldn’t that mean I was dead?” With that thought, the pain and discomfort no longer seemed so troubling.

Running a Marathon of Illness

After leaving the hospital, Xie Shui-Yong continued receiving treatment for acid reflux while keeping up his daily sitting and walking meditation. He felt his days were going along quite pleasantly until, one morning, he began hearing the sound of the Buddha-name recitation in his ear. At first, he paid little attention. “Master Sheng Yen said that we should neither welcome nor reject any phenomenon, so I didn’t pay much attention to it. But the sound gradually became faster and more intense. It made me tense, and it was so noisy that I couldn’t sleep!” As he described the experience, Xie Shui-Yong furrowed his brow-- a rare expression for him.

During that period, he sought opinions from both Chinese and Western doctors, took medication as prescribed, and asked monastics how he might deal with the auditory hallucinations. Sometimes things improved, but before long the symptoms returned. His body had not yet fully recovered, and he could not even get a good night’s sleep. Xie Shui-Yong shook his head as he spoke candidly of his helplessness. “Dragging this body along was so painful! I really felt ashamed. I couldn’t accept it, and I didn’t know how to handle it...” Later, when he told his daughter what he was going through, she said, “Dad, I’ll take you to bow to the Buddha!”

Only after getting into the car did he realize that she was taking him back to Dharma Drum Mountain!

Back in the familiar grounds, Xie Shui-Yong immediately felt a sense of openness in both the body and the mind. After bowing to the Buddha, the sound that had troubled him for so long seemed to ease. At that moment, the melody of “Namo the Master of Deliverance Bodhisattva-Mahasattva〈南無度人師菩薩摩訶薩〉” rose in his mind. He hummed the melody along with the Buddha-name recitation sounding in his ears until, gradually, the sound grew softer and softer. It was still there, but it no longer bothered him.

Just as life was slowly returning back to normal, the results of a follow-up examination came back. The tumor had spread to his lungs: seven dark spots were found, the largest measuring 0.5 centimeters. Xie Shui-Yong chose to pursue active treatment and began another experimental treatment program that lasted two years. During the course of medication, he experienced hypothyroidism, swelling throughout the body, mouth sores, cracked skin, and diarrhea severe enough to require hospitalization. One side effect followed another. Xie Shui-Yong smiled wryly. “Those two years were really quite difficult, and it wasn’t over yet!” During treatment, numbness in both legs at one point made walking difficult; tests revealed a herniated disc that required immediate surgery; and dry eye syndrome followed the operation...

Chan Practice, a Lifelong Benefit

Looking back on those four-plus years, it really was a marathon of illness. Had he never felt discouraged or disappointed in the Dharma?

“No, I never thought about it that way,” Xie Shui-Yong said firmly. “I remember that at my first seven-day retreat, Master Sheng Yen told us to stay with the present moment and do only one thing at a time. That idea changed my life.”

Xie Shui-Yong said that people are often used to doing several things at once, and what they say does not always match what is in their mind. After learning Chan practice, he began to truly live by the principle that “wherever the body is, the mind is there too.” This extends to speaking: whenever he speaks, he also listens to himself and remains aware of exactly what he is saying.

“It is the same with sutra recitation and copying sutras. Character by character, sentence by sentence, stroke by stroke, focusing this way not only leaves the mind unburdened, but it also brings a sense of joy. In this way, Chan practice stays with me all my life.”

Even after spinal surgery made it impossible for him to meditate cross-legged, Xie Shui-Yong continued to sit upright, relax, and experience the breath. This clear and tranquil state of mind allows him to live with an even mind despite all the discomfort in his body. “When it’s time for surgery, I have surgery. When it’s time for an injection, I get the injection. When it’s time to take medicine, I take the medicine.”
Remarkably, throughout these four years, Xie Shui-Yong has continued serving as an instructor in the Buddhist Studies program at Sheng Yen Academy. He prepares carefully for every class and has never missed one. He spoke of this with joy. “Even though I was ill, I still had the causes and conditions to teach and interact with everyone. It allowed me to remain bathed in the Dharma’s protection. I am very grateful!”

By last September, this phase of treatment for his illness had finally come to an end, but his strength was far from what it had once been. He then developed sensitivity to light, dry eyes, tinnitus, hearing loss requiring hearing aids, and frequent urination at night that disrupted his sleep. These physical changes, none of which he had experienced before, brought a sudden realization: “I’m old!”

For a time, getting up to urinate at night troubled Xie Shui-Yong because once his sleep was interrupted, he found it difficult to fall asleep again. After consulting a urologist, he learned there was nothing unusual about it. “The doctor said this is normal. This is what happens when you get old.” Xie Shui-Yong burst out laughing, “Well then, I’ll just accept it!”

Now seventy-seven (editor’s Note: 2023), Xie Shui-Yong takes his aging and ailing body in stride. The Buddha-name recitation he once experienced as an auditory hallucination is still there, he says, but he no longer resists it. Instead, he practices using Chan methods to guide himself. “Relax the body and let the mind empty out. Don’t concern yourself with the past, the future, or the surroundings. Experience the breath.” He approaches his sleep difficulties in the same way.

“Our six sense faculties are continually declining and will ultimately cease. That is why the body is unreliable, and every one of us will eventually face death.” Looking back on his journey through illness and aging, Xie Shui-Yong deeply understands Master Sheng Yen’s words: “We come into this life to receive karmic retribution and fulfill our vows.” “Besides receiving karmic retribution, I still have a great Bodhi vow!” Xie Shui-Yong remains grateful to Master Sheng Yen for teaching him methods and a grounded approach that have benefited him throughout his life, as well for the care and support he has received from so many people along the way. He hopes to practice with even greater diligence and make the most of his remaining years to benefit others. At the same time, he does not forget his vow to return to this human world in the future and join everyone in building a Pure Land on earth.



Related articles: 

Finding Health and Peace in Illness

Wisdom in Illness

Buddha Teaches Us How to Care for the Sick: Five Practices for Tending to the Sick

Unconstrained by illness, the mind remains at ease

Receiving Karmic Results, Fulfilling Vows, and Vowing Anew

Illness: Guiding the Direction of Your Life


Resource: Issue 481 of Humanity Magazine, Dharma Drum Publishing Corporation
Photo: Venerable Chang Duo (常鐸法師)
Translation: Claire
Editing: Keith Brown, Patricia Yang